“Spencer.” She doesn’t say anything, she doesn’t open her eyes. “Please look at me.” Tears make their way down her face as her eyes squeeze shut a little tighter. “Please?” Her eyes finally come open and meet mine and I have to take a deep breath. “I love you. God, I love you more than anything else in this world, and I know you feel the same about me.” Her head nods slightly and I can‘t help smiling “I can‘t live without you, trust me I‘ve tried, but I just can‘t, and I really don‘t want to. I want to lose myself in you every moment of every single day. I want to kiss you without having you pull away, to make love to you without the guilt of hurting someone else looming over us. I want you so bad Spencer. I just want you.” I lean forward, pressing my lips to hers gently, and just for a moment I think she’ll kiss me back, that she’ll once again get lost in this moment but she doesn’t, she pulls away.

“I can’t Ash. God, I wish it was this simple. I wish I could just kiss you and have nothing else matter. I wanna be able to get lost in you without these fucked up memories rushing to my head, but I can’t. We had our chance Ashley, we had it and we blew it.” The tears I’d been holding back spill over, they speed down my face showing no sign of slowing down. “I’m sorry. I am. But I can’t. I gave you my heart once and you didn’t just break it Ash, you completely shattered it and I can’t take that risk with you…I wouldn’t be able to take it a second time.”

“Spence-” I go to grab hold of her hand but she backs away, she takes a step away from me and shakes her head as the tears come down harder.

“I love you. I really do, but I can’t give myself to you again. I don’t feel safe to.”

She walks away, she walks right passed my stunned being. “Tell me you love her.” The words leave my lips as her hand connects with the doorknob, I turn around to face her, knowing she can’t lie to me in this moment.

“What?”

“Tell me you love her, that she’s the one, that she means more to you than I ever did. Say all that and I’ll back off. I’ll stop holding on to us. Just tell me that she’s what you really want and I’ll be happy for you.” I’m barely a foot away as the last word leaves my lips. “Honestly tell me that you love her and I’ll accept it.”

Her eyes shut tightly, her jaw clenching. “Ashley.” She opens her eyes and stares into mine, begging for me to just let this go.

“Tell me she’s what you want.”

Her voice is so soft when the words come out, it’s so quiet that I barely hear the words coming from her lips. “I can’t.” With that she walks out of the room, leaving me to watch her go, a small smile playing at my lips.